I’m 42 years old, and I am incredibly grateful for the lessons I’ve learned over the years… often through a whole lot of hard work, tears, disappointments, and heartbreaks. Even though I am in my midlife era (so weird to even type those words), I’m very much still a novice at life. I do, however, know more now than I did a couple decades ago, even a couple years ago!
If I could time travel and have a cup of coffee with my 25-year-old self, you know what I’d tell her? I would tell her to stop caring so much! Okay, not about everything. I’d encourage her to care about serving the Lord, walking in obedience and loving the people around her. Of course, care about those things! But there are a few things I would definitely tell her to STOP caring about. Why? Because they were such a waste of my time, energy and emotions. They didn’t serve me in any way; instead, they stunted my growth and made life a whole lot harder and less fun than it needed to be.
So what exactly would I advise her to stop worrying so much about? Here’s a list of things that over the years wisdom has taught me to stop caring about, and I hope you have the courage to stop caring about these things, too! I pray through God’s unfailing love, you walk in freedom from each of these worry traps, and experience the abundant life Jesus has for you.
Being understood
Some people are not going to understand your life choices or why you spend your time and resources the way you do. There will be plenty of people who won’t get why you have the faith you have, why you haven’t given up, why you are walking in obedience to the Holy Spirit’s leading when it seems to be costing you greatly. You don’t need people to understand why you do what you do; you just need to let the fruit of your faithful obedience speak for itself.
In the end, wisdom is known by her fruit. (see Luke 7:35 NIV)
Being liked
I am at the point in my life where I don’t need everyone to like me. I just need my husband, my daughter, my immediate family, and my close friends to know how much I love them. These are people I want to feel deeply connected to. Listen, more likes, more followers, more applause and approval from people you hardly know or don’t know at all doesn’t matter. Instead, focus on loving the people right in front of you, and put in the work it takes to have real, intimate and vulnerable relationships that at the end of our life will be the ones you were glad you had prioritized.
Being seen
Here’s a hard truth: not everyone needs to know your name, see your hard work, or give you the credit you deserve. Staying hidden while you are doing the right and godly things is extremely good for your character and your faith. I’d rather be forgettable in my lifetime but impactful for the generations. Being famous or well-known in life doesn’t equal true success, and it certainly doesn’t lead to true happiness. Live to make Jesus’ name famous, and don’t worry about the rest.
What other people have
God bless, social media. It really has exposed us to a firehose of trends and aspirations we didn’t even know we needed or lacked. It’s so easy to grow envious of someone else’s season of life, celebrations, promotions, and successes. Remember: no one has a perfect life. There is an untold story behind every highlight reel that is often filled with a whole lot of hard work, tears, and pain. When you become envious of another, you not only sabotage your sense of joy and contentment, you give into unbelief. You stop trusting God is and will provide all you need, and instead, you begin grumbling and complaining.
What other people are saying
What’s the latest goss? Who cares?! Please, stop spilling the tea. It ain’t any of your business. Gossip breaks trust in relationships, communities, churches, and organizations. Don’t listen to it. Don’t share it. Keep your ears and your heart from all the drama. In a society that loves gossip and spreads slander across headlines everyday in the name of entertainment, be of a different spirit.
Knowing what you’re doing
Please do yourself a huge favor, and stop waiting till you have it all figured out to get started. Successful people in life don’t wait till they have all the knowledge, experience, or resources to get started. They move quickly, and learn as they go. When it comes to every area of your life from faith to career to health to finances… don’t stay stagnant. Make some moves! We learn, grow, become, and win where it counts by taking action… even when we feel ill-equipped and under-prepared. (Those characteristics happen to be some of the best conditions in which God works miracles, BTW!)
Getting it All Done
You have limited time everyday. No matter how hard you try, you simply won’t get everything done in a day. Stop trying! It’s depleting your energy, making you feel inadequate, and robbing you of your peace and joy. Get to the stuff that matters most each day, and if that means the laundry is piling up or it takes you more than a day to respond to a text or you order take out instead of making that home cooked meal, so be it!