In the New Testament, we never see individualized discipleship. It simply doesn’t exist. Jesus called twelve disciples to follow Him. Their discipleship was absolutely communal. Sometimes that led them to extraordinary revelations like, “You are the Christ!” and sometimes that led them to humbling moments where they got schooled by Jesus when caught arguing over who carried the most clout amongst them. But whatever the momentary outcome or comfort they felt in community, it never changed the fact that their discipleship was in community, and you see this same emphasis on community continue into the birth and growth of the early Church. In fact the teachings of the early Church are filled with instructions about our togetherness— how we relate to each other and grow and mature in our faith together. From Galatians 6 where we are told to “bear each other’s burdens” to Romans 13 where we are instructed to “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another,” a significant amount of text is devoted not to our personal discipleship, but our communal discipleship.
And as ministers we know the importance of believers prioritizing their relationships and investing in opportunities to pursue the ways of Jesus together. One of our largest metrics in church life is the number of people actively attending small groups. One of the greatest hopes we have for the people we are leading is that they develop great friendships with other believers. And when someone is struggling in their mental health or personal faith, one of the first things we tend to ask about or help people with is finding a healthy and authentic community to support them. We know the importance of strong healthy, Christ-centered relationships.
We all know like an ageless mantra that in theory WE ARE BETTER TOGETHER.
But I’ve also found that ministers and Christian leaders can end up being some of the most lonely and isolated humans I’ve ever met. I say this with complete compassion, as someone who has found herself at a couple different points in my life ministering to many while also feeling incredibly alone and unseen, and not sure how to change that dynamic.
After a few heartaches as leaders, the temptation is to keep the people closest to us at arm’s length. We, of course, justify this lack of real connection on a local level by investing in friendships with other leaders or ministers who live in different cities, states, and nations. We look forward to the upcoming conferences and events where we can reunite with the people who really get us, peers in the trenches of leadership with us, that we feel we can open our hearts to. This is an important element of friendship for us leaders, but, and this is a big BUT, it can never replace having honest, transparent, and intimate friendships with a few solid people who get to see us day in and day out, who can encourage us when we are a little down, cheer us on, and challenge us from the unique vantage point that only proximity brings.
So can I encourage you to risk being known by a few close friends who’ve got your back and who can challenge you in the ways you need most right now? Can you do inventory and assess who those people are and how much you’ve invested in those relationships over the last few months? If your list is not as full as you’d like it to be or you haven’t made the investment you could be making in these relationships, can I urge you to take action in your life. Pray and let’s put in the time to strengthen these purposeful and refreshing friendships.